Readers assign meaning to everything that people type. This response, coupled with a lack of nonverbal cues, poses a serious challenge for email writers.

Without immediate feedback, your message can be easily misinterpreted by a reader. Therefore, it is crucial that you use appropriate syntax and tone.

Flaming is a virtual term for venting or sending inflammatory messages in email. Avoid flaming because it tends to create a great deal of conflict that spirals out of control.

Tips for responding to a flame

1. Calm down before responding to a message that offends you. Once you send the message it is gone. What you say cannot be taken back.
   
   
2. Read your message twice before you send it and assume that you may be misinterpreted.
   
   
3. Before you send an email message or SMS, ask yourself: “Would I say this to this person’s face?” If you wouldn’t, don’t email or SMS it either.
   
   
4. Empathize with the sender’s frustration and tell them they are right if that is true.
   
   
5. Apologize if necessary. When you begin to own your part as the source and cause of the problem, it creates an opening for the other party to own theirs.
   
   
6. If you feel you are right, thank them for bringing the matter to your attention.

   e.g. The information is stated in point 6.3 in the terms and conditions. I aplologize that this information wasn’t made more obvious to you. Thank you for bringing this to our attention so that we can take measures to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

7. Explain what led to the problem in question. Do this briefly. Long stories give the reader the impression that you’re trying hard to excuse yourself or lay blame.
   

8. Stick to facts, write neutrally, and avoid promotional hyperbole e.g. I waited for 3 days for your quote versus I waited for ages for your quote.

9. Avoid hedging words or words that sound ambiguous and vague, e.g. most probably, for all intents and purposes, perhaps, maybe.

10. Use contractions to add a friendly tone e.g. can't, won't, didn't, don't versus cannot, will not, did not, do not.
    

11. Avoid blaming statements, even though it’s not your fault.

12. Avoid getting bogged down by details and minor arguments

13. If you are aware that the situation is in the process of being resolved, let the reader know at the top of the response. Do not let them read through lengthy details of what happened (which could get them more worked up) before letting them know that you are doing something about it.

14. Maintain a positive resolve. Be involved in the solution e.g. Please let me know what other options I may have overlooked. I am willing to meet with the department head and the executive board to seek out a solution that is fair to the members and is good for the business of the organization.

15. If things become very heated, a lot of misunderstanding occurs, or when you are delivering very delicate news, the best way to deliver it is face-to face.
    
    
16. Never send discussions between two people over an email group, when it doesn't concern anyone else. Think twice before you hit the reply or reply all button. Sometimes it's better to type in the intended recipient's email address and take your discussion off the list.

All misunderstandings can be avoided if you’re aware of what to say and do in the most appropriate way. The minimum you can do is be responsible for keeping your promises and stay in communication.